Sitting in an outdoor restaurant in Blantyre, Malawi, my colleague, Tamryn, was drinking a cup of coffee, preparing to facilitate a company-wide Enneagram workshop, when a family at the table nearby to her (and the only other occupied table) started to play a game.
The dad folded a napkin into a blindfold, tied it around his son’s eyes, and then positioned himself on the opposite side of the restaurant. From across the room, he called out a steady stream of instructions – left, forward three steps, right – the son had to navigate his way to his father without colliding with any of the restaurant furniture.
It was a game of delight for the son, who looked about 6 or 7 years old. They repeated it several times.
Their youngest daughter, a keen observer of this activity, asked enthusiastically for her turn to play.
So, dad took the napkin and blindfolded his approximately 4-year-old daughter. He resumed his position on the other side of the restaurant, albeit a little closer, and called out the instructions to her: 3 steps forward… But she didn’t move.
3 steps forward.
Still nothing.
He called her name and asked if she could hear him. She nodded vigorously.
Ok, 3 steps forward.
Still nothing.
He tried a new approach – one step forward.
Nothing.
Dad tried once more but was met with perfect stillness.
Bewildered, the dad went over to her and reminded her of the instructions of the game. She nodded excitedly in understanding. Her brother encouraged her to play as instructed.
3 steps forward – Dad called out again, somewhat exasperated.
Nothing.
He went over to her and removed the blindfold and asked, “Why are you not listening?”
A very calm and clear little voice replied, “Because I only listen to Mommy.”
A simple exchange I’ve never forgotten.
Met with laughter and disbelief by her family and Tamryn, who were by now all completely absorbed in this activity.
A poignant reminder of influence in leadership versus authority: no matter how many times you may ask, no matter the status or authority you hold, it doesn’t always mean people will listen… even when they give you their best indication that they are “on board” with the plan.
If you want to get your organisation moving forward, develop leaders who have the EQ to take others with them.
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Tamryn Batcheller-Adams is a psychologist, author and leadership consultant with TomorrowToday, holding two master’s degrees in psychology. Based in Cape Town, she works internationally with leaders across 20 countries, specialising in leadership development, resilience, emotional agility and team cohesion.