Today’s insights are brought to you by my colleague and leadership thinker, Keith Coats.
A lesson from The Velveteen Rabbit – in Everything I know about Leadership I learnt from the Kids
One of my all-time favourite stories is Margery Williams’ The Velveteen Rabbit, the enchanting story of how a toy rabbit becomes real. Like most good children’s stories, it holds valuable lessons for adults as well.
The story helps us learn that sometimes what we go through for a friend may make us a little worn and torn, but that’s what makes the friendship real. Friendship often goes through testing times, but true friendship endures and even grows as a result of the testing.
Many years ago, I had just finished reading The Velveteen Rabbit to my kids, Keegan and Tamryn, when Tamryn jumped up and down and skipped around the room shouting, ‘Look, Dad, I’m real too!’
That stoic, impersonal approach to leadership simply doesn’t work for a younger generation whose behaviour is informed by different values and who look for – and expect – different things in today’s leaders.
In a world that hasn’t fully grasped this fundamental shift in expectation, leaders who choose to be real often pay a high price. They are removed, ignored, silenced, and remain unelected, but their influence and lives somehow still manage to inspire and provide hope for those of us who look for leaders who understand not only themselves but those they lead.
For me, authenticity and leadership should never be mutually exclusive realities.
Real Leadership in the Connection Economy
In today’s Connection Economy, the emphasis has shifted from transactional relationships to meaningful connections, both inside and outside of the organization. Leaders are no longer just managing operations and directing resources; they are responsible for creating an environment where trust, authenticity, and relationships are central to the organizational culture.
This shift is largely driven by social technologies and a generation that cannot imagine life without them. Younger generations are challenging the ‘why, how, and what’ of connection, expecting leaders to be transparent and authentic.
Leadership in this new economy will pass to those who understand this fundamental shift and adapt their leadership style accordingly. Authentic leadership—where leaders are open, vulnerable, and willing to admit their imperfections – is gaining ground. Emotional intelligence, once sidelined as a soft skill, is now recognized as a critical component of effective leadership, and with it comes a demand for leaders to be in touch with their character and ethics, not just their technical skill set.
As The Velveteen Rabbit illustrates, becoming “real” often means enduring hardship, vulnerability, and the passage of time. It’s a process of transformation that’s not immediate nor without its scars. Similarly, leadership today requires embracing authenticity, even at the risk of showing one’s fallibility. It means rejecting the old-school Industrial Age mindset of perfectionism and stoicism and instead embracing a more human, empathetic approach.
Authenticity: The Cornerstone of Modern Leadership
This generation is more connected and more vocal than ever before. They are not hesitant to share their findings, whether positive or negative, with their networks. Leaders who embrace authenticity and consistency are rewarded with loyalty and trust from their teams, while those who fail to meet these expectations risk alienation.
In this landscape, authenticity is not a weakness. It doesn’t diminish a leader’s authority or credibility – in fact, it enhances it. Leaders who are open about their mistakes, and who show they are learning and growing, set a powerful example for their teams.
They foster a culture of openness, where continuous learning and adaptability are prioritised over rigid perfectionism.
The idea that vulnerability equates to weakness is outdated. In reality, vulnerability makes leaders more relatable and accessible. Authentic leadership doesn’t undermine a leader’s position as knowledgeable, trustworthy, or competent; it humanizes them. When leaders openly acknowledge their mistakes and failures, they build deeper connections with their teams, who see them as real people, not untouchable figures of authority. This, in turn, inspires others to take risks, embrace growth, and be more innovative, knowing that their leader is someone who values learning and improvement.
Leaders who are real in the sense that The Velveteen Rabbit defines it—those who have been “loved off,” worn down, and made vulnerable through their journey – are not only more approachable, they are admired for their resilience.
Younger generations, in particular, respect leaders who are willing to admit when they don’t have all the answers but are committed to finding them. They value leaders who are open about their fallibility but are also steadfast in their pursuit of growth and improvement.
For more great leadership lessons, that come from unexpected places, you should read Keith Coats’ book, Everything I Know about Leadership I Learnt from the Kids. This anecdote and lesson from The Velveteen Rabbit is just one lesson Keith shares in his book.
If you’re interested in exploring how these insights can transform your leadership team, consider inviting Keith for an engaging session. His unique perspective could be the catalyst your team needs to embrace authentic leadership fully.
Contact us to learn more about booking Keith for your next leadership event.
Keith Coats is a founding partner of TomorrowToday Global and leadership specialist. He is now based in Cape Town, South Africa having relocated from London towards the end of 2021. Keith works with blue chips companies and in multiple business school leadership programmes worldwide helping senior leaders prepare today for the challenges and threats of tomorrow…and sometimes, the ‘day after tomorrow’.
Recently Keith’s travel has included working throughout the UK, the USA, Saudi Arabia, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Germany, Switzerland, Singapore, and of course, South Africa.